The Wrong Kind Of Challenge

I am a person who likes a challenge, I say that and then I think... Hmm, do I really? Because realistically, if someone were to challenge me, i would get extremely defensive very quickly... By no fault of my own I think, but I'm sure many people would disagree, that's just the way I am.

I like to be challenged with certain things... for example, I like to challenge myself... push myself harder and be the best me I can be. I push myself at the gym, at work, constantly challenging my idea of who I should be.

The only time I like it when other people push me, is when I say it's ok. Meaning, that I like competition. I love it when people, say to me "You cant do that" because I take personal offence to that, and I make it my mission to prove them wrong. What I do not like, however, is people challenging my perception of myself. I have a friend who is constantly challenging me, challenging my perception of self, how I see myself, the words that come out of my mouth and the way I behave.

As much as I dont like being enlightened in regards to my flaws, I do find self improvement to be an essential part of life, and I appreciate her honesty. But when the things that she says to me hit so many nerves, one has to ask ones self... is it really worth it?

Right now, I say no... Because I am a little down in the dumps, I am questioning myself and why I am the way I am.

I am an extremely proud person, and I have huge double standards when it comes to myself and my friends and the way they treat me. I hate sympathy, and I hate people knowing that I'm sick or that there's something wrong and I would love to think that I am very good at hiding these emotions, but recently I was told that I'm very transparent when Im upset... at the very least because I'm so quiet  when somethings wrong.

This pride often frustrates people, as do my doubler standards because if I am ill, or theres something wrong, I wont tell anyone, I'll power through until I collapse in a heap at home or someone notices and makes me stop but if one of my friends was acting the way I do, then I would be there, looking after them, no complaints, no questions asked.

So when this behavior is challenged, I immediately go on the defensive, saying things like "I can't lose control", "I cant be weak". Which makes me wonder, why "Can't"? Why not "won't"? I think that this is mostly because if i sound like I can not under any circumstances do what is requested of me, then that's a great excuse... But if the simple fact of the matter is that i wont... then why wont I? Whats wrong with me that I wont let people look after me? That I wont change how I behave? 

The short answer is... I guess, I'm afraid... but of what? This is something that I am currently pondering, because I really have no idea, I cannot pin point one thing that I am afraid of that would make me so controlling... I can think of half a dozen.

- I don't want to end up back in Newcastle

- I don't want to be like my parents (not there's anything wrong with my mum being a stay at home mum) but I don't want that for myself. 

- I want to be a success 

- I don't want to be forgotten

- I want to leave the world with my imprint... knowing that I've made a difference.

But, I am starting to think that maybe it will be possible for me to achieve these goals without using the word can't, or wont, because I don't like the idea that I won't do things. My goal this year is to say yes (within reason), to people offering me help, to people telling me I need to slow down, to friends, to family, and not shut down and get defensive.

Lets see how it goes... 

xx E.  

Fetishes - the weird, the wacky, the wonderful.

Some people aren't sure if they even have a fetish while others think that their fetishes are abnormal (shows what they know... everybody has a fetish or two). So what is a fetish? If you have a fetish, you are obsessively fixated on either an object or a body part, or a little of both.

You need that specific something for sexual gratification. When you masturbate, you fantasize about that particular thing. Even if you have sex with a partner, you still need to fantasize about that object or have it present for you to get off.

For instance, if you're attracted to brunettes, that's one thing, but if you are unable to get aroused unless you're with a brunette, then you likely have a fetish for brunettes.

types of fetishes

There are many diverse kinds of fetishes, depending on the object being fetishized. Inanimate fetishes come in three varieties -- media, form and animate.

In a media fetish, material is what is obsessed over. Media fetishes include rubber, leather, latex, and silk.

With a form fetish, it's the shape of the object that has great significance. Stiletto heels, knee-high boots and lingerie fall into this category.

Feet, hair, butts, breasts, and all that good stuff are also considered fetishes, but since these objects are human, they're called "animate" fetishes.

People can turn anything into a fetish. There are different degrees of fetishism that go from mild to extreme. It's quite easy to tell whether your fetish is getting out of hand. Basically, if your fetish interferes with your relationship or your life, seek the help of a professional.

Stomachs

Men and women both agreed that taut tummies make them somewhat crazy. But others said that they would never bed a potential partner if their tummies protruded or hung loosely.

Some guys weren't as picky and admitted that they liked it when a woman had a tummy with a teensy-weensy little pot. One gentleman was very adamant about needing to release himself on a woman's stomach or his experience simply wouldn't be pleasurable.

 

Body piercing

This one was quite popular with the younger crowd (18-35). Everything from bellybuttons, tongues and nipples to eyebrows and penises was not only acceptable, but for a specific few, it was a prerequisite.

One guy told us that he loves tongue rings because after being pleasured by a girl who had one, he couldn't go back to the "ordinary." The feeling of the cool object rubbing against his penis while her hot mouth engulfed him "felt like heaven."

Leather, rubber, vinyl, latex

Men seem to love material; perhaps not the actual feel of it, but the rather pornographic quality it gives to a sexual encounter. Although men look to settle down with a sweet woman, most will forever have a fixation with that "bad girl" look.

"Watching a woman move around in anything tight and shiny is a tease in itself," says one gentleman. Another man told me that his girlfriend's entire wardrobe consists of latex and leather.

Domination and submission (my personal favorite)

To my amazement, most women dominate and most guys submit. HELLO! A lot of women said they love to order their men around in bed like slaves and spank them, smack them, and even penetrate them with a strap-on.

Guys, on the other hand, enjoy submitting to women and being told what to do. I guess most of them are probably tired of performing all the time. Everything I mentioned that the women do -- well, the men enjoy having those things done to them. Welcome to the new millennium.

Feet and hands

You knew this fetish was coming didn't you? Men enjoy licking, sucking, kissing, and biting women's feet almost exclusively. Some guys simply can't date a woman if she has ugly feet or toes.

Women, I was surprised to learn, love to suck on men's fingers and some can even orgasm off that alone. "There's something about pleasuring a man's finger as though it was a penis that gives me orgasmic pleasure," said one woman from Seattle.

Fingernails and lipstick

It's the cliche of the '80s: red lipstick and long, red-lacquered fingernails. Well, guess what? Some guys are still obsessed with that whole thing. They enjoy feeling a woman's nails running down their backs.

As well, they like kissing a woman and smudging her lipstick all over both their faces. Why? Because it gives them the feeling of having adulterated sex, i.e. sex with a prostitute.

Braids, ponytails, pigtails

Hair, it's no surprise, was a very big fetish among guys. Blond, brunette, redheaded, braided, long, short, thick, curly, straight... you name it, they thought of it. But braids, pigtails and ponytails caught my attention. I have two theories as to why some men are into pigtails.

First, they have a preference for younger women (to say the least) and because of the illusion that pigtails and ponytails emanate, the fetishists feel as though they are fulfilling their desires.

Second, when the hair is tied up in these various ways, it could resemble a whip, to a certain extent. "Women can whip me with their hair: the ultimate turn-on." said one man from Boston. I can definitely see the latter example as working.

Some women have a fetish involving no hair: bald men. They love rubbing a man's bald head whilst in a passionate embrace. Did you hear that Costanza ? You're actually preferred by women.

Water

Believe it or not, many variants of water were popular with both men and women. Many women declared that they enjoyed sex best when they could hear or be in running water. Whether it be rain, the shower or even an opened faucet -- so long as they heard water of some sort.

Although it's not exactly water, many women (and some men) absolutely obsess over thunder and lightning. "The powerful sound and the sudden flashes of light give my body a feeling of empowerment. My husband and I make plans to meet whenever we know that a storm is in effect," said a woman from Colorado.

Golden showers

I know this one doesn't sound very inviting, but it was a popular one. Some guys love to watch a woman urinate on them as a method of foreplay. Other guys like to relieve themselves on women before they can actually get down to business.

Why? Well, the reason for this also deals with submission. Being peed on is somewhat degrading and if you allow someone to do it to you, then you're submitting and if you do it to someone else, then they are succumbing to you.

Voyeurism and exhibitionism

A lot of guys admitted that they couldn't get off with their partner unless they were watching pornography or another couple in the act. Even if they witnessed two people having sex or caught some erotic movies on television accidentally (yeah, right) when not with their partner, they had to masturbate.

Only a minute amount of women admitted that they are voyeuristic to the point where they needed to see sex whilst engaging in it. Oddly enough, however, quite a few women like being watched . One woman from New Orleans wrote, "I make sure to open the blinds fully before I make love with my partner."

you're not alone

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen; 10 common fetishes among the human species. While some fetishes can be seen as more "particular" than others, most people go through phases where they obsess about a certain object, act or body part. Fetishes are highly widespread and are not abnormal in any way.

1. SYMOROPHILIA

Arousal Contingent Upon Witnessing Or Staging Disasters Such As Car Accidents

2. DENDROPHILIA

Sexual Interest In Trees

3. FROTTEURISM

Rubbing Against A Non-Consenting Person To Facilitate Sexual Stimulation

4. ENDERACINISM

Sexual Pleasure Derived From [The Thought Of] Tearing Out Sexual Organs By The Roots

5. MUCOPHILIA

Sexual Pleasure Related To Mucus (E.G. The Consumption Of)

6. AUTONEPIOPHILIA

Sexual Pleasure Derived From Dressing As (Or Imagining Oneself As) An Infant

7. GERONTOPHILIA

Sexual Preference For The Elderly

8. SALIROPHILIA

Fetish Involving The Soiling Or Dirtying Of Others

9. URSUSAGALMATOPHILIA

Sexual Interest In Teddy Bears

10. APTEMNOPHILIA

Being Aroused And/Or Excited By Amputees

11. FORMICOPHILIA

Sexual Interest In Being Crawled Upon Or Bitten By Small Insects

12. VORAREPHILIA

Vorarephilic Fantasies Commonly Involve Devouring Others Whole, Or Being Swallowed Whole By A Mate

13. ZOOSADISM

Sexual Pleasure Derived From Inflicting Pain Upon Animals, Or Seeing Them In Pain

14. AGALMATOPHILIA

Fetish Involving Statues, Mannequins, Or Immobility

15. MECHANOPHILIA/MECHAPHILIA

Sexual Attraction To Cars Or Other Machines

16. AVISODOMY

Sex With A Bird

17. OCULOLINCTUS

Erotic Pleasure Stemming From The Licking Of Someone's [Attached] Eyeball

18. PSYCHROPHILIA

Arousal Contingent Upon Contact With Extremely Cold Objects, Or Watching Others Freeze 

19. HIEROPHILIA

Sexual Attraction To Religious Or Sacred Objects

20. CATHETEROPHILIA

Sexual Interest In The Use Of Catheters

xoxox 

Eldiese

Daddy Issues and the Women who have them

Photographer: Adam Bell-Ghijben
MUAH: Eldiese
Model: Eden

You’ve heard of the Oedipus complex, right? According to Freud, it is the theory that every man secretly wants to kill his dad and have sex with his mum. (I know. That’s totally disturbing behaviour.) But have you heard of the Electra complex.The Electra complex denotes a woman’s sexual attachment to her father and a corresponding competitive hostility toward her mother. It’s from the Electra complex that we’ve derived the modern concept of “daddy issues.” Now I'm not saying that women with daddy issues want to have sex with their fathers (cause that would be extremely creepy).These days, people say a woman has daddy issues when she appears to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention she may not have received from her father. When we talk about her daddy issues, we’re generally talking about things like aggressive flirtation, promiscuity, a tendency toward exhibitionism, and certain emotional hang-ups.


I am the queen of daddy issues, my friends and I get on stage, many of them taking their clothes off, I am a perpetual flirt, and I by no means do it on purpose (well most of the time), I am extremely clingy (which bugs me more than it bugs my partners, trust me, because there is nothing I hate more than clinging to a man) and at the slightest sign of attention from a man (whether it be a smile, a slight flirt, or just genuinely nice guy being his usual nice self, my daddy issues kick into overdrive... 

Whether her daddy issues are actually the result of her relationship with her father or whether “daddy issues” is just the label society has chosen to attach to this kind of behaviour, it is a set of characteristics you might encounter in a woman. Consequently, you need to know how to recognise her (and my) daddy issues and how to handle them.

Sexual aggressiveness

Most guys delight at the idea of a sexually aggressive woman. But if a woman is grinding up against you on a dance floor, initiating public groping and dragging you into her bedroom on the first date, this may equal daddy issues. If you’re up for a one-night stand, woo-hoo! you hit the jackpot! But if going to pound town isn't the only thing you’re interested in, your strategy should be to take things slow. Even if her sexy signals are overly aggressive, tell her you want to slow down and get to know her before doing the deed. Show her you’re interested in more than just sex and she won’t feel quite as desperate to impress you with her sexual prowess.

Excessive flirting 

It’s a stereotype that girls with daddy issues flirt a lot (and I do). And maybe it was even her flirting that got your attention in the first place. Once she’s your girlfriend, though, flirting with strange men is not going to fly.

It’s important to recognise that not all women flirt because they’re interested in the guy they’re talking to, I personally dont even know I'm flirting half the time, but i know I do it constantly. Your girlfriend may be flirting because she craves attention and enjoys the rush of developing sexual tension with a stranger. 

Clinginess

We typically apply the “daddy issues” label to women who seem to crave male attention -- and ploys for male attention can take many forms, including clinginess. Every woman wants care and assurance from her partner. But a girl with daddy issues wants those things in excess, whether its because her father was never around, or he was just an arse and never paid her enough attention. She may throw a fit whenever you make plans without her. She might beg and bargain whenever you try to leave her apartment. Be careful with clinginess, if you give in to a bout of clinginess once, you’re sunk forever.

Compare and contrast

It’s fair to say that a woman’s relationship with her father affects her romantic relationships. If her dad failed to show her love and affection, she might grow up expecting the worst from men. If you find her blowing up over minor screw-ups, it might be because your mistake reminds her of her father’s poor parenting.

The key in these situations is to make your partner aware of these unfair comparisons. You are not her father, for better or worse. You can only be yourself; show her the reliable, attentive and caring guy you are, and eventually she’ll stop blaming you for someone else’s mistakes.

if only women were so simple

We recognise that diagnosing a woman with “daddy issues” is necessarily an oversimplification, but the fact is that “daddy issues” have become cultural shorthand for a set of behaviours exhibited by some women. If you’re a guy, whether or not you consider these behaviors to be “daddy issues,” you still need to be aware of what they look like and how to deal with them.

xxx

Eldiese