Daddy Issues and the Women who have them

Photographer: Adam Bell-Ghijben
MUAH: Eldiese
Model: Eden

You’ve heard of the Oedipus complex, right? According to Freud, it is the theory that every man secretly wants to kill his dad and have sex with his mum. (I know. That’s totally disturbing behaviour.) But have you heard of the Electra complex.The Electra complex denotes a woman’s sexual attachment to her father and a corresponding competitive hostility toward her mother. It’s from the Electra complex that we’ve derived the modern concept of “daddy issues.” Now I'm not saying that women with daddy issues want to have sex with their fathers (cause that would be extremely creepy).These days, people say a woman has daddy issues when she appears to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention she may not have received from her father. When we talk about her daddy issues, we’re generally talking about things like aggressive flirtation, promiscuity, a tendency toward exhibitionism, and certain emotional hang-ups.


I am the queen of daddy issues, my friends and I get on stage, many of them taking their clothes off, I am a perpetual flirt, and I by no means do it on purpose (well most of the time), I am extremely clingy (which bugs me more than it bugs my partners, trust me, because there is nothing I hate more than clinging to a man) and at the slightest sign of attention from a man (whether it be a smile, a slight flirt, or just genuinely nice guy being his usual nice self, my daddy issues kick into overdrive... 

Whether her daddy issues are actually the result of her relationship with her father or whether “daddy issues” is just the label society has chosen to attach to this kind of behaviour, it is a set of characteristics you might encounter in a woman. Consequently, you need to know how to recognise her (and my) daddy issues and how to handle them.

Sexual aggressiveness

Most guys delight at the idea of a sexually aggressive woman. But if a woman is grinding up against you on a dance floor, initiating public groping and dragging you into her bedroom on the first date, this may equal daddy issues. If you’re up for a one-night stand, woo-hoo! you hit the jackpot! But if going to pound town isn't the only thing you’re interested in, your strategy should be to take things slow. Even if her sexy signals are overly aggressive, tell her you want to slow down and get to know her before doing the deed. Show her you’re interested in more than just sex and she won’t feel quite as desperate to impress you with her sexual prowess.

Excessive flirting 

It’s a stereotype that girls with daddy issues flirt a lot (and I do). And maybe it was even her flirting that got your attention in the first place. Once she’s your girlfriend, though, flirting with strange men is not going to fly.

It’s important to recognise that not all women flirt because they’re interested in the guy they’re talking to, I personally dont even know I'm flirting half the time, but i know I do it constantly. Your girlfriend may be flirting because she craves attention and enjoys the rush of developing sexual tension with a stranger. 

Clinginess

We typically apply the “daddy issues” label to women who seem to crave male attention -- and ploys for male attention can take many forms, including clinginess. Every woman wants care and assurance from her partner. But a girl with daddy issues wants those things in excess, whether its because her father was never around, or he was just an arse and never paid her enough attention. She may throw a fit whenever you make plans without her. She might beg and bargain whenever you try to leave her apartment. Be careful with clinginess, if you give in to a bout of clinginess once, you’re sunk forever.

Compare and contrast

It’s fair to say that a woman’s relationship with her father affects her romantic relationships. If her dad failed to show her love and affection, she might grow up expecting the worst from men. If you find her blowing up over minor screw-ups, it might be because your mistake reminds her of her father’s poor parenting.

The key in these situations is to make your partner aware of these unfair comparisons. You are not her father, for better or worse. You can only be yourself; show her the reliable, attentive and caring guy you are, and eventually she’ll stop blaming you for someone else’s mistakes.

if only women were so simple

We recognise that diagnosing a woman with “daddy issues” is necessarily an oversimplification, but the fact is that “daddy issues” have become cultural shorthand for a set of behaviours exhibited by some women. If you’re a guy, whether or not you consider these behaviors to be “daddy issues,” you still need to be aware of what they look like and how to deal with them.

xxx

Eldiese

Being Sexy in the 21st Century

Photographer: Adam Bell-Ghijben
MUAH: Eldiese
Model: Eden

I was meandering along Brunswick St (Melbourne) a few days ago, and I happened upon an interesting conversaion... walking infront of me, were two reasonably attractive females (well reasonablly atrractive to me, but we'll get to that later) who were discussing just that, heir atractiveness. 


The first woman (at biggest a size 14) was complaining tha her thighs were too big, and the second, a woman with the most amazing legs I have ever seen, was complaining that she wasn't sexy enoough to attract attention from the oposite sex... and then proceeded to explain to her friend that that was why she wore low cut tops. My judgement of these two females was cut short after this last comment, as I realised that I too, had been guilty of getting the girls out for the boys just to get a satisfactory glance on a firday night, I mean hell, I live my weekends in steel boned corsets. However as she and her friend began comparing aspects of their physical appearance that were the least sexy, I thought, "There aare people in the world with all kins of kinky and extravigant fetishes for the weird and wonderful, so how is it, that the two of you have never found someone who believes that you are sexy? And on that note, who decides what's sexy? And does it differe from person to person?"


To answer my questions, I turned to my friends, facebook and fetlife. I posed the question, "Who is your sex symbol and Why? and What do you find Sexy? 


And what did I discover from the World Wide Web? I discovered, not only is Marilyn Monroe the No.1 sex symbol out there, but that everyone, everyone had a different opinion of what was sexy. Whether it was a physical trait or personality trait, not one person answered in the same way. Answers included:


confidence tattoos curves eyes breasts  short hair good sense of humor
modesty      Smile flexibility intelligence      caring    honesty smell   age feet 
height  skin colour booty accents weight dirty talk   peircings   kink  cooking 


So long story short... stop comparing yourself to other women, I know its hard... and I do it as well, back stage at a show, commenting on the other performers and their bodies... but we have to stop! 


You are beautiful!!! believe it! Own it!

xxx

Eldiese

Plus Size Modelling and Body Issues in the industry...

This is me in a recent shoot at The Boudoir

Photographer: Cassie Hardy
Model: The Matron
MUAH: Eldiese Mua
Stylist: Lady Melody

Hey Guys, 

So I thought I would get a bit personal tonight... 

Images of female bodies are everywhere. Women—and their body parts—sell everything. Popular film and television actresses are becoming younger, taller and thinner, in many cases skeletal. Women’s magazines, the internet and social media are full of articles urging that if the general population can just lose those last ten kilos, they’ll have it all—great sex, great personal life and a rewarding career. And although, I do not believe this, it is extremely hard not to get sucked in.

Why are standards of beauty being imposed on women, the majority of whom are naturally larger and more mature than any of the models? 

The stakes are huge. On the one hand, women who are insecure about their bodies are more likely to buy beauty products, new clothes, and diet aids. It is estimated that the diet industry alone is worth anywhere between 40 to 100 billion (U.S.) a year selling temporary weight loss (90 to 95% of dieters regain the lost weight).

On the other hand, research indicates that exposure to images of thin, young, air-brushed female bodies is linked to depression, loss of self-esteem and the development of unhealthy eating habits in women and girls. I, myself have struggled with a lifetime of body issues and self esteem problems, including a two year battle with bulimia. Which not only affected me, but my relationship with my ex-partner, my family and of course, my relationship with myself. 

The American research group Anorexia Nervosa & Related Eating Disorders, Inc. says that one out of every four university-aged women uses unhealthy methods of weight control—including fasting, skipping meals, excessive exercise, laxative abuse, and self-induced vomiting. The pressure to be thin is also affecting young girls: the Canadian Women's Health Network warns that weight control measures are now being taken by girls as young as 5 and 6. Personally, I tried everything... some tricks worked, some did not, my substance of choice was laxatives and my illness ultimately came to a head when I made myself throw up for the first time and I looked at myself in the mirror with horror and disgust. I'm not saying I recovered straight away... it took me months of depression to actually tell someone about my illness, and then multiple psychologists, as well as a roller coaster ride of emotions to get me to where I am today. 

Tell me... what is wrong with this picture? Nothing. 

Overall research indicates that 90% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance in some way.

Perhaps most disturbing is the fact that media images of female beauty are unattainable for all but a very small number of women. Researchers generating a computer model of a woman with Barbie-doll proportions, for example, found that her back would be too weak to support the weight of her upper body, and her body would be too narrow to contain more than half a liver and a few centimeters of bowel. A real woman built that way would suffer from chronic diarrhea and eventually die from malnutrition. Ha! So take that Barbie-doll wanna-be's. 

Researchers report that women’s magazines have ten times more ads and articles promoting weight loss than men’s magazines do, and over three-quarters of the covers of women’s magazines include at least one message about how to change a woman’s bodily appearance—by diet, exercise or cosmetic surgery.

Television and movies reinforce the importance of a thin body as a measure of a woman’s worth. Which helps no one.

Although, there have been efforts in the magazine industry to buck the trend. Advertising rules the marketplace and in advertising thin is "in." Twenty years ago, the average model weighed 8 per cent less than the average woman—but today’s models weigh 23 per cent less. Advertisers believe that thin models sell products. When the Australian magazine New Woman recently included a picture of a heavy-set model on its cover, it received a truckload of letters from grateful readers praising the move. But its advertisers complained and the magazine returned to featuring bone-thin models. And big business wins again! What a big surprise.

The barrage of messages about thinness, dieting and beauty tells "ordinary" women that they are always in need of adjustment—and that the female body is an object to be perfected.

I am now here to make a rebuttal! If you'v read my previous posts, you know that I'm a member of The Bad Ladies a troupe of extremely sexy and unique women, all of whom are extremely curvaceous. Being apart of this amazing group of women and apart of the Burlesque sub culture, has done wonders for my self esteem and my body image. Burlesque is a sub-culture that embraces curvy women, and when I get on stage, or speak to the people who have come to watch us and the other dancers, I get such a rush! It has made me so much more confident in myself and as a result, I have not had a relapse for 4 months now... and I feel great!

So great that I have actually started to do a little bit of plus size modelling, and yes, I still feel that insecure about myself that I am compelled to add 'plus size' every time I refer to myself as a model as I really don't want people to think that I think that I am a regular model... (so obviously, I still need to work on my issues).

The key is confidence, every time I walk into a room full of strangers or I go on stage, I mentally say to myself... "You are sexy, intelligent and worth it" and even if there is a tiny part of me that doesn't believe it, the rest of the world does not need to know that. 

So, to the media, social expectations, and the skinny orange barbie dolls that line streets in today's day and age, I say Real women are curvy, real women have breasts and sag with age and have imperfections and I love them!

xx

Eldiese

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