The Wrong Kind Of Challenge

I am a person who likes a challenge, I say that and then I think... Hmm, do I really? Because realistically, if someone were to challenge me, i would get extremely defensive very quickly... By no fault of my own I think, but I'm sure many people would disagree, that's just the way I am.

I like to be challenged with certain things... for example, I like to challenge myself... push myself harder and be the best me I can be. I push myself at the gym, at work, constantly challenging my idea of who I should be.

The only time I like it when other people push me, is when I say it's ok. Meaning, that I like competition. I love it when people, say to me "You cant do that" because I take personal offence to that, and I make it my mission to prove them wrong. What I do not like, however, is people challenging my perception of myself. I have a friend who is constantly challenging me, challenging my perception of self, how I see myself, the words that come out of my mouth and the way I behave.

As much as I dont like being enlightened in regards to my flaws, I do find self improvement to be an essential part of life, and I appreciate her honesty. But when the things that she says to me hit so many nerves, one has to ask ones self... is it really worth it?

Right now, I say no... Because I am a little down in the dumps, I am questioning myself and why I am the way I am.

I am an extremely proud person, and I have huge double standards when it comes to myself and my friends and the way they treat me. I hate sympathy, and I hate people knowing that I'm sick or that there's something wrong and I would love to think that I am very good at hiding these emotions, but recently I was told that I'm very transparent when Im upset... at the very least because I'm so quiet  when somethings wrong.

This pride often frustrates people, as do my doubler standards because if I am ill, or theres something wrong, I wont tell anyone, I'll power through until I collapse in a heap at home or someone notices and makes me stop but if one of my friends was acting the way I do, then I would be there, looking after them, no complaints, no questions asked.

So when this behavior is challenged, I immediately go on the defensive, saying things like "I can't lose control", "I cant be weak". Which makes me wonder, why "Can't"? Why not "won't"? I think that this is mostly because if i sound like I can not under any circumstances do what is requested of me, then that's a great excuse... But if the simple fact of the matter is that i wont... then why wont I? Whats wrong with me that I wont let people look after me? That I wont change how I behave? 

The short answer is... I guess, I'm afraid... but of what? This is something that I am currently pondering, because I really have no idea, I cannot pin point one thing that I am afraid of that would make me so controlling... I can think of half a dozen.

- I don't want to end up back in Newcastle

- I don't want to be like my parents (not there's anything wrong with my mum being a stay at home mum) but I don't want that for myself. 

- I want to be a success 

- I don't want to be forgotten

- I want to leave the world with my imprint... knowing that I've made a difference.

But, I am starting to think that maybe it will be possible for me to achieve these goals without using the word can't, or wont, because I don't like the idea that I won't do things. My goal this year is to say yes (within reason), to people offering me help, to people telling me I need to slow down, to friends, to family, and not shut down and get defensive.

Lets see how it goes... 

xx E.  

The Juggling Act

Wake up, Morning shift at the hospital, gym, makeup experiment, work on column, shower, make lunch for tomorrow, dinner, bed. Wake up, gym, afternoon shift at the hospital, burlesque performance, drinking, stumbling, bed. Wake up, Hungover, (on call at the hospital) work on column, makeup lesson, photo shoot, dinner with friends, home, bed. 

This is my life, it is constant, and never ending, don't get me wrong, its amazing, fun and exciting!

I am constantly asked "how do you fit it all in Eldiese?" This question is referring to my lifestyle, my extra curricular activities. My usually response "I don't sleep". 

Let me give you the run down of my life... I am a full time Scrub Nurse (meaning that I assist surgeons and help operate),  I am, of course, a makeup artist, I am writing a column for a Women's Fashion Art Magazine, I am constantly trying to develop, experiment and play around with my looks, as well as giving makeup lessons... I am a busy woman.

I am also studying this year, photography courses, writing courses, photo-shop courses, makeup seminars, i want to better myself always, educate myself, learn off my superiors and my peers. 

So my life is crazy! But I maintain that a healthy level of sleep deprivation is essential for my crazy creativeness! 

So i became the queen of juggling to cope with the life I lead, I'm sure I poss a lot of people off at work, particularly because I swap a lot of shifts, and am  constantly running out the door of a shoot, or the gym, or the hospital in order to get where I need to be next. 

Sometimes I don't see my housemates for days on end, weeks sometimes, I miss out on a lot of events, because I straddle two worlds... on the days that my colleagues have parties and dinners, ninety percent of the time i have a photo-shoot, or other commitments, I miss things,  I cant fly home to go to events that I want too attend, because I have to work or do makeup, or I simply cant afford it because a client hasn't paid me, or because I needed new makeup supplies. So I guess there is a sacrifice for the amazing life that I lead... I miss things. 

But you know what? With all the events that I miss, the in jokes that I'm not in on, the people that I piss off or disappoint... I wouldn't change my life for the world, because I am Eldiese, I love my life, the people, the color, the excitement. I love it all. 

So I became the Queen of Juggling. 

Daddy Issues and the Women who have them

Photographer: Adam Bell-Ghijben
MUAH: Eldiese
Model: Eden

You’ve heard of the Oedipus complex, right? According to Freud, it is the theory that every man secretly wants to kill his dad and have sex with his mum. (I know. That’s totally disturbing behaviour.) But have you heard of the Electra complex.The Electra complex denotes a woman’s sexual attachment to her father and a corresponding competitive hostility toward her mother. It’s from the Electra complex that we’ve derived the modern concept of “daddy issues.” Now I'm not saying that women with daddy issues want to have sex with their fathers (cause that would be extremely creepy).These days, people say a woman has daddy issues when she appears to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention she may not have received from her father. When we talk about her daddy issues, we’re generally talking about things like aggressive flirtation, promiscuity, a tendency toward exhibitionism, and certain emotional hang-ups.


I am the queen of daddy issues, my friends and I get on stage, many of them taking their clothes off, I am a perpetual flirt, and I by no means do it on purpose (well most of the time), I am extremely clingy (which bugs me more than it bugs my partners, trust me, because there is nothing I hate more than clinging to a man) and at the slightest sign of attention from a man (whether it be a smile, a slight flirt, or just genuinely nice guy being his usual nice self, my daddy issues kick into overdrive... 

Whether her daddy issues are actually the result of her relationship with her father or whether “daddy issues” is just the label society has chosen to attach to this kind of behaviour, it is a set of characteristics you might encounter in a woman. Consequently, you need to know how to recognise her (and my) daddy issues and how to handle them.

Sexual aggressiveness

Most guys delight at the idea of a sexually aggressive woman. But if a woman is grinding up against you on a dance floor, initiating public groping and dragging you into her bedroom on the first date, this may equal daddy issues. If you’re up for a one-night stand, woo-hoo! you hit the jackpot! But if going to pound town isn't the only thing you’re interested in, your strategy should be to take things slow. Even if her sexy signals are overly aggressive, tell her you want to slow down and get to know her before doing the deed. Show her you’re interested in more than just sex and she won’t feel quite as desperate to impress you with her sexual prowess.

Excessive flirting 

It’s a stereotype that girls with daddy issues flirt a lot (and I do). And maybe it was even her flirting that got your attention in the first place. Once she’s your girlfriend, though, flirting with strange men is not going to fly.

It’s important to recognise that not all women flirt because they’re interested in the guy they’re talking to, I personally dont even know I'm flirting half the time, but i know I do it constantly. Your girlfriend may be flirting because she craves attention and enjoys the rush of developing sexual tension with a stranger. 

Clinginess

We typically apply the “daddy issues” label to women who seem to crave male attention -- and ploys for male attention can take many forms, including clinginess. Every woman wants care and assurance from her partner. But a girl with daddy issues wants those things in excess, whether its because her father was never around, or he was just an arse and never paid her enough attention. She may throw a fit whenever you make plans without her. She might beg and bargain whenever you try to leave her apartment. Be careful with clinginess, if you give in to a bout of clinginess once, you’re sunk forever.

Compare and contrast

It’s fair to say that a woman’s relationship with her father affects her romantic relationships. If her dad failed to show her love and affection, she might grow up expecting the worst from men. If you find her blowing up over minor screw-ups, it might be because your mistake reminds her of her father’s poor parenting.

The key in these situations is to make your partner aware of these unfair comparisons. You are not her father, for better or worse. You can only be yourself; show her the reliable, attentive and caring guy you are, and eventually she’ll stop blaming you for someone else’s mistakes.

if only women were so simple

We recognise that diagnosing a woman with “daddy issues” is necessarily an oversimplification, but the fact is that “daddy issues” have become cultural shorthand for a set of behaviours exhibited by some women. If you’re a guy, whether or not you consider these behaviors to be “daddy issues,” you still need to be aware of what they look like and how to deal with them.

xxx

Eldiese

Being Sexy in the 21st Century

Photographer: Adam Bell-Ghijben
MUAH: Eldiese
Model: Eden

I was meandering along Brunswick St (Melbourne) a few days ago, and I happened upon an interesting conversaion... walking infront of me, were two reasonably attractive females (well reasonablly atrractive to me, but we'll get to that later) who were discussing just that, heir atractiveness. 


The first woman (at biggest a size 14) was complaining tha her thighs were too big, and the second, a woman with the most amazing legs I have ever seen, was complaining that she wasn't sexy enoough to attract attention from the oposite sex... and then proceeded to explain to her friend that that was why she wore low cut tops. My judgement of these two females was cut short after this last comment, as I realised that I too, had been guilty of getting the girls out for the boys just to get a satisfactory glance on a firday night, I mean hell, I live my weekends in steel boned corsets. However as she and her friend began comparing aspects of their physical appearance that were the least sexy, I thought, "There aare people in the world with all kins of kinky and extravigant fetishes for the weird and wonderful, so how is it, that the two of you have never found someone who believes that you are sexy? And on that note, who decides what's sexy? And does it differe from person to person?"


To answer my questions, I turned to my friends, facebook and fetlife. I posed the question, "Who is your sex symbol and Why? and What do you find Sexy? 


And what did I discover from the World Wide Web? I discovered, not only is Marilyn Monroe the No.1 sex symbol out there, but that everyone, everyone had a different opinion of what was sexy. Whether it was a physical trait or personality trait, not one person answered in the same way. Answers included:


confidence tattoos curves eyes breasts  short hair good sense of humor
modesty      Smile flexibility intelligence      caring    honesty smell   age feet 
height  skin colour booty accents weight dirty talk   peircings   kink  cooking 


So long story short... stop comparing yourself to other women, I know its hard... and I do it as well, back stage at a show, commenting on the other performers and their bodies... but we have to stop! 


You are beautiful!!! believe it! Own it!

xxx

Eldiese

Things Women Want, But wont ask for...

Photographer: Adam Bell-Ghijben
Model: Cat Kali
MUA: Eldiese Mua

Women are complex and beautiful creatures, and as a result of their complexities

so many men have no idea what their doing when it comes to women. An astounding revelation I know. I am privy to this information as, I have not only experienced this first hand, but I am constantly told by my male friends "You sleep with women, you are a woman, HELP ME!". So here are my top tips on what to give your woman, because she will not ask you for them, and you seem kind of hopeless at figuring it out. 

  

1. Touch her waist. (Wrap your arms around it. It makes us feel safe and secure)

2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Give her flowers
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING ..

11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman. The 21st Century is seriously lacking in gentlemen.
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER females you know & hold her hand!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..

26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her. (this seems like a given, but most of you are stupid enough to have done it at one point or another)
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her already.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BE, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.

31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..

36. When people insult her or spread rumors, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.

41. Call or text her at night when not with her to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45.Straddle the top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re still on top of her.

(These are several sweet things real men use to do, its said that these things are rarely done and that the days this treatment are seemingly gone...)

SO there! I hope you'v learnt something. 

Xx 
Eldiese

Plus Size Modelling and Body Issues in the industry...

This is me in a recent shoot at The Boudoir

Photographer: Cassie Hardy
Model: The Matron
MUAH: Eldiese Mua
Stylist: Lady Melody

Hey Guys, 

So I thought I would get a bit personal tonight... 

Images of female bodies are everywhere. Women—and their body parts—sell everything. Popular film and television actresses are becoming younger, taller and thinner, in many cases skeletal. Women’s magazines, the internet and social media are full of articles urging that if the general population can just lose those last ten kilos, they’ll have it all—great sex, great personal life and a rewarding career. And although, I do not believe this, it is extremely hard not to get sucked in.

Why are standards of beauty being imposed on women, the majority of whom are naturally larger and more mature than any of the models? 

The stakes are huge. On the one hand, women who are insecure about their bodies are more likely to buy beauty products, new clothes, and diet aids. It is estimated that the diet industry alone is worth anywhere between 40 to 100 billion (U.S.) a year selling temporary weight loss (90 to 95% of dieters regain the lost weight).

On the other hand, research indicates that exposure to images of thin, young, air-brushed female bodies is linked to depression, loss of self-esteem and the development of unhealthy eating habits in women and girls. I, myself have struggled with a lifetime of body issues and self esteem problems, including a two year battle with bulimia. Which not only affected me, but my relationship with my ex-partner, my family and of course, my relationship with myself. 

The American research group Anorexia Nervosa & Related Eating Disorders, Inc. says that one out of every four university-aged women uses unhealthy methods of weight control—including fasting, skipping meals, excessive exercise, laxative abuse, and self-induced vomiting. The pressure to be thin is also affecting young girls: the Canadian Women's Health Network warns that weight control measures are now being taken by girls as young as 5 and 6. Personally, I tried everything... some tricks worked, some did not, my substance of choice was laxatives and my illness ultimately came to a head when I made myself throw up for the first time and I looked at myself in the mirror with horror and disgust. I'm not saying I recovered straight away... it took me months of depression to actually tell someone about my illness, and then multiple psychologists, as well as a roller coaster ride of emotions to get me to where I am today. 

Tell me... what is wrong with this picture? Nothing. 

Overall research indicates that 90% of women are dissatisfied with their appearance in some way.

Perhaps most disturbing is the fact that media images of female beauty are unattainable for all but a very small number of women. Researchers generating a computer model of a woman with Barbie-doll proportions, for example, found that her back would be too weak to support the weight of her upper body, and her body would be too narrow to contain more than half a liver and a few centimeters of bowel. A real woman built that way would suffer from chronic diarrhea and eventually die from malnutrition. Ha! So take that Barbie-doll wanna-be's. 

Researchers report that women’s magazines have ten times more ads and articles promoting weight loss than men’s magazines do, and over three-quarters of the covers of women’s magazines include at least one message about how to change a woman’s bodily appearance—by diet, exercise or cosmetic surgery.

Television and movies reinforce the importance of a thin body as a measure of a woman’s worth. Which helps no one.

Although, there have been efforts in the magazine industry to buck the trend. Advertising rules the marketplace and in advertising thin is "in." Twenty years ago, the average model weighed 8 per cent less than the average woman—but today’s models weigh 23 per cent less. Advertisers believe that thin models sell products. When the Australian magazine New Woman recently included a picture of a heavy-set model on its cover, it received a truckload of letters from grateful readers praising the move. But its advertisers complained and the magazine returned to featuring bone-thin models. And big business wins again! What a big surprise.

The barrage of messages about thinness, dieting and beauty tells "ordinary" women that they are always in need of adjustment—and that the female body is an object to be perfected.

I am now here to make a rebuttal! If you'v read my previous posts, you know that I'm a member of The Bad Ladies a troupe of extremely sexy and unique women, all of whom are extremely curvaceous. Being apart of this amazing group of women and apart of the Burlesque sub culture, has done wonders for my self esteem and my body image. Burlesque is a sub-culture that embraces curvy women, and when I get on stage, or speak to the people who have come to watch us and the other dancers, I get such a rush! It has made me so much more confident in myself and as a result, I have not had a relapse for 4 months now... and I feel great!

So great that I have actually started to do a little bit of plus size modelling, and yes, I still feel that insecure about myself that I am compelled to add 'plus size' every time I refer to myself as a model as I really don't want people to think that I think that I am a regular model... (so obviously, I still need to work on my issues).

The key is confidence, every time I walk into a room full of strangers or I go on stage, I mentally say to myself... "You are sexy, intelligent and worth it" and even if there is a tiny part of me that doesn't believe it, the rest of the world does not need to know that. 

So, to the media, social expectations, and the skinny orange barbie dolls that line streets in today's day and age, I say Real women are curvy, real women have breasts and sag with age and have imperfections and I love them!

xx

Eldiese

So, my facebook page is:
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youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/byeldiese

instagram:
ELdiese (MUA)

Rites of Passage Tattoo Convention & The Bad Ladies

http://www.facebook.com/ritesofpassagefestival

Hey Guys!!! 

So this weekend I spent an amazing few days at the Rites of Passage Tattoo Convention!!! 
Rites is a three day arts, tattoo and music festival with a focus on tattoo history & culture held at the Royal Exhibition Building Carlton Gardens Melbourne. And is your chance to see or be tattooed by some of the worlds respected, renowned and up-and-coming tattooists who show cased their artwork on living canvas.

I was there as a member of the Bad Ladies, selling sexy items of clothing and rockabilly wear!!! In case your interested in coming and see me perform, I go under the name The Matron

The Bad Ladies were started by the Headmistress Kitty Rock in the early 2000′s The Bad Ladies Agency is Australia’s Leading agency housing artists,musicians, actress’, burlesque & vaudeville performers, dancers, circus performers, designers, costume makers, photographers, make-up artists, stylists, producers & promoters. 

But my role there was, of course, makeup related!!!

I was there to provide my makeup services to  the lovely Bad Ladies, as well as  the clients of the  Boudoir.   I lost count of how many photoshoots we did. but the makeup was cute and rockabilly  themed and I had so much fun!


The Boudoir  provides all hair, make up, styling & full costume that been designed individually to suit you for your memorable, exciting and fun photo shoot!  The Boudoir houses Artists, Actresses, Alternative Models, Burlesque Performers, Circus Freaks, Dancers, Designers, Drag, Graffiti Artists, Promoters, Producers, Photographers & Musicians.

The highlight  of  my weekend, was by far, meeting Bonnie... a fan of my work, who I had never met before, but she recognized me!!!!  it was amazing, experiencing my own mini celeb moment! :P




And a big shout out to Sway Darling  who  taught me the most lady like way to  pick a wedgey  in public! :P

Here are a few behind the scenes shots with me and the gorgeous Bad Ladies!!!

Me (Eldiese (MUA)) with the Gorgeous Faye Fatal

The Gorgeous Sway Darling and Cassie Harding (what you cant see are Sway's Purple lips!!!)

a little head dress fun with The Matron (Eldiese), Bambi Lipschitz and Harry Golightly

Make sure you come to a show and see the Bad Ladies and introduce yourself to me!!!


Its well worth it, even when I'm not there! :P Not only are the Bad Ladies individually totally unique and beautiful in their own way, put us all together and you have a group of confident, sexy women!!! I modelled in a mini Boudoir shoot yesterday WITH NO TOP ON! and I would never have been comfortable enough with myself to do something like that if it had not been for the Bad Ladies. The instant acceptance and love from each of them makes me so much more confident and happy. 


We are amazing women, come and see us sometime!

xxx 

Eldiese